Full Bloom

he loves me…..

just like the petals of a rose

he loves me not….

plucked away, one by one,

they wither and decompose

he loves me…

so much that actually,

he intends to preserve my scent

in a sweet potpourri

of those iris and dafodil petals decayed

he loves me not…

not enough, he’s too afraid,

to ever sacrifice his grasp on denial and avoidance

he loves me…

only enough to jeopardize his greatest opportunity,

all a matter left to chance

he loves me not…

despite my pleas and futile demands

he loves me…

as a simple memory,

one so faded its virtually

non-existent

he loves me not…

and i experience this internally

as a feeling

from my pistil to my stalk…

and with that, the fact dawns,

i love him not…

no, no, wait…it’s, i love him not….

yeah thats what it is…

so i play my position

and make my decisions

allow my 3rd eye to guide my visions

no more asking permission

not another second questionin

assumin or wishin…

acceptance

the only force strong enough

to crumble the walls

of even the most secure prisons…

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~ by butrfly on February 9, 2011.

12 Responses to “Full Bloom”

  1. very nice bfg…”from my pistil to my stalk” was an especially good line…but also like “to crumble the walls of even the most secure prisons”… like the play on “secure”…

    good timing for the post too…

    peace and blessings

  2. peace IcarianHeights,

    thank u kindly for the read n comment.

    i appreciate it n its nice 2 know u cud feel it.

    im kinda diggin it myself, but feel like i might go back n do some revisions still tho.

    thnx again. ;D

    }i{

  3. wow, i love how endearing and personal this sounds and feels. it makes you seem so vulnerable yet strong and confident. when ARE you gonna start releasing a book of poetry? the world is a-waiting!

  4. peace Bootcheese!

    thanks 4 the commentary. 😉

    glad u cud feel this 1, it meant alot to me.

    awwww, u 2 sweet talkin bout a book, i wish! lol

  5. it wouldn’t be that difficult. there’s this website that will publish and print your books for you for free.99 if i’m not mistaken. i have to get the info from a friend of a friend who’s a erotic/fetish photographer, he had both of his books published this way. you buy them off the website and they’ll give you the money. like i said i’ll figure out the rest of the details then hit you back.

    so how have you been these days?

  6. peace i havent been back n checked thru here in awhile, n my email messed so im not getting notifications anymore! gotta switch it up. hey but that is great info, i appreciate it. i been feelin slightly inspired lately…maybe i shud start doin sum research…get myself motivated huh? ;D

    i been good, doin better n better everyday. how bout u?

  7. oh i’ve been fine, right now just trying to get stuff squared away for re-enrolling in school after my 2 yr. hiatus. now things seem to be more complicated and stressful than before since i’m transferring. then when you add this budget crisis that we’re going through AGAIN………………very irritating indeed. i forgot about that book publishing info, i’ll look for it again.

    as far as inspiration i hear ya. alot of stuff has been happening that has zapped that creativity from me that i had an abundance of a few years ago but i’m still trying to draw more, hopefully being in school might change that since i’ll be doing more. i’ve seen you on facebook a couple times and wanted to chat but when i go back you’re gone. if i go on there today either to check messages or to talk i’ll hit you up if you aren’t too busy. maybe i might help you with some inspiration and vise versa, beautiful ladies always seem to motivate me in a way i’ve never felt.:D

  8. man its been a long time since i came back!!!!!! my email no longer notifies me of comments. i gotta fix that. n i also need to come back because this is where my self exists…………….

    ive been lost.

    im sorry i havent responded Bootcheese. feel free to hit me up on fb anytime. i hope things are going well with school and if i can offer any guidance as an Academic Counselor, just let me know. we shud catch up soon, it seems we each have information that could be useful to one another.

    you’re sweet for the compliment, thank u. sum have called it being a Muse. i guess thats not the worst thing in the world to be. lol

    alright folks! b peace!

  9. “lost” you say? how so? getting caught up in the rat race that we all have to succumb and submit to unwillingly? we all know this isn’t living, this is someone else’s idea of how life works and you know what? IT STINKS!!!!!!

    as far as school i have gotten everything squared away but now i got another issue i gotta clear up–my money. apparently i still got a little bit of my financial aid left (the school doesn’t have fee waivers OR state grants so they just gobbled up most of my pell grant money)–$215. for some reason or another they don’t have a check available or some nonsense so i gotta discuss this with the financial aid dept. i had to also take out a federal student loan, something i was trying to avoid but had no choice, and apparently the master’s promissory note (or whatever its called) didn’t get processed by the faculty so i have to call another dept. to get them off their ass to make that happen as well. since i started enrolling to this place in June i’ve noticed how disorganized it is, it doesn’t make sense how much of a mess this place is. Laney wasn’t this bad!

    and YES you are a muse, with a face and spirit like yours how can you not be? since 1 of my classes is screenprinting i’ve been drawing a bit more, trying to get myself in the mood again, esp. since i’m gonna be designing clothes and all (that’s where some of that loan money comes into play–for that home business) so i need to decide which one of your photos i’m gonna do a portrait of. i would like to know what problems you’ve been having as of late, as aforementioned we might be able to help each other out in one form or another. who know? one of us might have some advice or info or wisdom to pass onto the next person.

    ok enough babbling, sorry for the late reply, i’ve been busy with classes and such since school started a couple weeks ago. talk to you soon, i might drop you a note on facebook when i have the chance. bye sweetness.

  10. what happens if i comment using my facebook account???? LMAO

  11. well thank u for gettin back to me, i think i finally got it set to notify me of comments again.

    lost….literally i been lost emotionally and forgot myself i guess. it was affecting all aspects of my life….lost in darkness, shadows, lies….and so i fucked up n let it break me down to my very lowest point ever in life, i am ashamed to say. but i have learned sooooooo much in the process. so i guess it was a necessary course. im tryna to chart a new 1 now….n feeling almost 100% better, almost.

    that sounds like a lot with your schooling! dang! what school is this again? u said Laney wasnt this bad….well damn thats gotta be pretty damn bad! LOL i hope that it works out to your advantage, and like i said, if u need any planning or academic guidance, let me know. id be more than happy to help with any info i cud offer.

    thank u, about the muse thing, i gotta have sum person in this weird existence of mine that i call life….i get the vibe that ppl perceive me as attractive and that they have an expectation that i am aware of it….im really not! LOL its such a fleeting thought or feeling to me because i wasnt raised to value such things. its like mindblowing that you wud want to draw a portrait of me! what a compliment. u are welcome to use whatever picture u like, i would be very interested to see how your perspective and perception of me will manifest. thats exciting! lol no1 ever drew me before.

    we can definitely talk more about what all thats been goin on with me, n catch up on your path as well. my stuff feels very private so hit me on the fb messages. we can talk more there, never know who might come around here, without me ever knowing it.

    peace friend.

  12. yeah i can most def do that, the portrait and messaging you on facebook. i might do that now, take a break from some artwork at the moment. it’s an assignment for my screenprinting class but some of it might end up being t-shirt designs that i’m working on currently. one of these chumpies is my project for the class that i have to finish by filling in the color on photoshop, the others are for my partner. she didn’t have anything done because she was unsure of what to do so i offered to do something for her, which will be some pandas and a couple female portraits, she’ll have to choose which one she wants to use for the assignment. i do know she told me “no cars–i don’t like drawing cars”. i don’t mind doing it though, i need the practice and to draw more, i haven’t done much drawing in awhile, i’ve been battling depression myself. ok enough of that, now for a private conversation.

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