Memories Remain

there is no starting point with this….i have no place to start from, in this lifetime of mine,
its as if my memory precedes itself.
stretching back to a place of darkness, where silence is the only sound.

but within this lifetime, memory has served me quite well. for i hold so many memories throughout my body. memories in my heart, in my mind, in my womb, in my soul.
memories on my lips, in my lungs, in my hands and arms, in my hair. memories thru my eyes.

memories that inspire me, memories that fulfill me, memories that bring me joy, memories that flood my body with fear, memories that anger me, memories that allow me to release long withheld tears.

and throughout time,  while it has been one of my greatest gifts, memory has also been a curse to me. for memories haunt me in my dreams. memories speak hard truths in the face of lies, even as a soft whisper in my ear. memories torture me at times, endlessly replaying for me, scenes of life.

there are even times when future memories come to me before the event has ever occurred, only to later revisit me once it actually has. a type of de ja vu, providing me with a sense of necessity and temptation. when in fact, i should have interpreted that memory from the future, instead, as a warning. those are the memories that have most often left me in mourning.

for what may have been lost, for the mistakes that may have been made, for the opportunites that may have been missed, for all the times i’ve wished,

but still it never came true. for all the times i have willingly played the fool.

yet memories also carry me so far away, travelling through my amygdala, to a far off, past time. a time when love flowed in abundance. peace bloomed around me, like blossoms of a cherry tree. a time when energies flowed like the Nile River, lapping at my feet on the banks with sheer bliss, but never ignorant. the greatest time ever missed, so often here, i reminsce.

a time when i lived a life, that eludes me on this current plane, in this present vortex of time and space. against this concept of time, constantly confused and always behind, we think we race. but really, we are all too often simply mislead and left dazed.

yet i have not forgotten and my far off reality is never doubted. for the sweetness captured during that very last kiss from my soulmate, lingers on my lips. the passion fruit flavored, neverending taste.

a memory that i can never forget. as generations pass, as my many lives die and are reborn again. forever, that kiss is the one constant. the most valuable and cherished memory of all, for it re-minds me of my truest nature and highest self. most importantly, my previous existence.

and just as there was no point from which to start, so too, is there no end….memories carry on, within me, though never with-out me.

these collective memories are the very particles that create the fabric of our universe, woven and stretching endlessly onward into eternity.

and i will be there to see, so as to imprint,

upon my memory.


~ by butrfly on October 9, 2010.

41 Responses to “Memories Remain”

  1. there is no starting point with this….i have no place to start from, in this lifetime of mine,
    its as if my memory precedes itself.
    stretching back to a place of darkness, where silence is the only sound.

    reminds me of the gestation period, the genesis of life. what’s got you so nostalgic these days? haven’t seen or heard from you in a min. how are things these days?

  2. BUTTA FLY GIRLIE!!!!!!!!!

  3. lmao!!!

    hey there, boot-cheese, how ya doin?

    im pretty good, just working hard and tryna find ways to take time for myself, to maintain balance, to care 4 n love myself.

    obviously could be doin a lil better at it tho, huh? or i wouldnt be quite so MIA. smh but im gettin better, workin on it at least. lol

    but whatitbelike tho? whas been up wit u? u good? hope you’re doing well. fill me in, it has been a while now.

    far as the post, yeah i think thats where my mind’s stream was flowin when i started this, i had the vision of stretching all the way back to that moment where consciousness took hold of me. from darkness to dreams (in utero, i guess) to life….

    what a trip….

    i am….


    maybe im feelin nostalgic because im naturally that way, being half a cancer, we tend to use those claws to hold on….smh such a bad habit.

    or maybe it has to do with being in this phase where all of life stands before me, as if i were just now coming into being….

    again, feel me?

    maybe i’m just tryin to find some sort of reference point. lol any thoughts?

  4. i hear ya. i get that way sometimes too and either think about it or write like you or draw or something. no need to hold all those ideas in to yourself, sometimes you gotta share it with the world. as for me i got to visit my twin last month to retrieve some of my belongings i had to leave behind so NOW i got all my books and art/silkscreening supplies so i don’t have to worry about that anymore. i’ve been drawing a bit more now and trying to relearn photoshop and illustrator again (got my old textbooks back which were back in hell-a). at first i didn’t want to visit my twin because things just go so wrong between us when we get together, i mean HELLA SOUR. after visiting him last month and him almost getting killed by some maniac driver while returning back from school i just decided to try and talk to him more and help him out. granted he’s not the only brother i have (i got 4 more) he is my twin and i have to try and put our differences aside. plus he’s lonely and living on his own and i know how that is, i’ve been there before and i HATED it. next month i’m gonna visit for thanksgiving, i’m sure he wants that. i just can’t wait to FINALLY get something done as far as my lil’ enterprise here with designing, it’s been too long (much like this message). glad to see you’re doing fine and trying to stay sane. we’ll talk later and i might drop some music links off for you. i know i did with davey bwoy (blackpeople1) since he’s searching for afro-beat and i found even MORE links that he might groove to.

  5. yeah never stop thinking. dont really know if i wud want 2 if i cud tho. i do need to focus more on utilizing this outlet here tho. it does give me a sense…

    its good 2 hear that ur back 2 studying n practicing ur talent. n that u n ur brother have reconnected. thats a beautiful thing, i know there are some who wished they had the opportunity still. so wheres he at? n how bout u? last i knew, u were in the LA…(hell-a lol) area, i believe.

    neway, keep striving! glad things are going well for u. n yeah mos def drop me some links. i’ll get a notification if u post around here. n yeah lol BP mos def stay on the hunt 4 beats. thas good yall still keep up.

    alright peace 2 u, blessed b.

  6. dwight lives in pasadena right now going to school there and i’m in tucson. i’m thinking of returning to school myself after taking a mucn-needed hiatus back in 2008-2009, things were stressful and hectic for me. i think now that i took a break it’s time to get back in the groove of things.

    oh so you wanna hear some HARDCORE!!?!????!?!?? just messing with ya, but this shit is hardcore though………..


    jam magica

    voodoo funk

    loaded to the gills

    dreams in audio (some afro-beat mixtapes here)

    i think that’s enough for now, i’m not sure you might be able to handle that funk. don’t wanna send you into overload home skillet.;-)

  7. damn hold up, i was talkin bout sum shiiiiiit right here! lmao

    okay, i do like it now after all. fa sho.

  8. :)) huh? you ok divalicious?

    and i do feel you on the thinking part, i know that’s like a OCD for me, overanalyzing and thinking alot but i can’t stop nor won’t stop.;-)

  9. yeah im alright. i was talkin 2 myself, cause i just went back n re-read this a few times.

    wasnt really sure of it at 1st.

    like, wtf is this? lol a long ass thought? a poem?

    i guess maybe a lil bit of both. i saw all my lil hidden meanings n nuances. found some appreciation 4 it after all.

    felt a lil self-conscious of it. str8 deleted it off of my fb after it published. lol

  10. uh-uh now. don’t do that to yourself when there’s nothing wrong with that unless you felt like it was too personal to be posted there then i overstand. i just don’t want you getting in the habit of doing that to your work everytime your mood changes. it could be a detrimental habit that could be costly.

  11. speaking of never stop thinking n OCD, i’ll hafta process that….lmao

    nah but fa real, whenever my mood changes…

    n a costly, detrimental habit…gotta soak that up.

    i can be pretty self-critical n perfectionistic at times tho. i already know. but i try 2 always find a way 2 bring things in2 perspective 4 myself eventually, with a lil positive self-talk. hahahaaa it usually evens out in the end.

    fa sho tho, i recognize ur message. no doubt, certainly much appreciated. i will definitely continue 2 absorb it.

    peace folks!

  12. right right………..i can relate. we can be our own worst and toughest critics at times. i know as an artist that’s what i strive for–perfection. anything less is not me living up to my potential and i don’t want that. that’s so beneath me. i totally get where you’re coming from. aiight then good night. i’ll tell the angels to kiss you goodnight for me.

  13. dang i cant find the comment that had the links on it. i approved it n it disappeared.

    feel like tryn it again?

    but yeah, dig that, i always been a lil extra hard on myself, prolly more than the average person cuz my blessing and curse, in addition to my memory, has always been a keen insight, and even worse, my intuition. smh whew! i wudnt trade none of em for the world, but they can be vexacious at times.

    i totally agree with ur point about striving for perfection and always reaching towards ur greatest potential. thas my aim in this life 2. thas respect.

    n i see u gotta way with words ya self, huh? the angels…cant front, that was a sweet thing 2 say. thnx. i mos def take all the blessings i can get cause its a cold, hard, n lonely world out there.

  14. oh i went back, i see the links. ima check on em later on.


  15. ok i’m glad you saw them because i was gonna do the copy & paste method. cool. i can totally relate to the intuition thing but women have a knack for that naturally though. i’m not sure why it’s more difficult for men, maybe because women are more empathic by nature while me seem to be more apathetic. one thing i’m always working on is following my instincts more instead of 2nd guessing myself. i have a bad habit of doing the latter. there have been moments where i did go with my instincts and things turned out differently, like better. i have to try and do that more, doubting my instincts is like doubting myself and going against myself. universal blessings to you as well.

  16. no doubt, like i said early on in the piece:

    “when in fact, i should have interpreted that memory from the future, instead, as a warning. those are the memories that have most often left me in mourning.”

    the greatest regrets ive knownn have come from those times when i didnt listen to my intuition. so i have really been honing in on it and using it as my guide, in a powerful way now.

    i called it a curse because it often shows or tells me things that i cant/dont quite want to see clearly; and also due to the fact that i have experienced great pain when i have ignored it, as i already mentioned. but hoenstly i know that i value it to the utmost. i wont doubt it again in the future, bet that.

    yes peace n blessings 2 u as well, bootcheese.

    ima check those beats now 2. b ez.

  17. oh man don’t get me started. it can be and is a curse sometimes but i wouldn’t trade it or give it up for anything. the worse part is how people will be upset with you just for trying to help them with this gift and don’t wanna hear what you gotta say, calling you a “freak” “crazy” and all sorts of stuff. i know i get scared when i have my dreams foretelling things or the deja vu dreams and such. even the dream i had about thoth/tehuti a couple summers ago still fucks my head up, which reminds me i need to studying the 13 emerald tablest again. hope you enjoy those tunes, i got plenty more links fo’ ya my lil’ chocolate diva.

  18. sorry bout my lag on responding, been a terrible day or two.

    yes i know what u mean, majority of ppl dont want to be aware of these things. they fear the unknown and unexplainable. i rarely bother to engage ppl in dialogues such as these because it always seems futile in the end.

    i cant believe that u mention thoth/tehuti and the emerald tablets tho. i was introduced by an alleged friend, havent known any1 else that speaks of that knowledge. i am very interested in hearing that dream. maybe that requires more of a private dialogue tho. let me know.

    i didnt make far with the links, after i started listening 2 the 1st 1, is when i got sidetracked with the difficulties. i will continue listening. n lol @ “chocolate” “diva.” ppl always think that…while im actually neither.

  19. oh please you are. you aren’t giving yourself enough credit is all.;-)

    yeah it’s difficult to talk to people about ANYTHING these days, either they don’t want to get personal for fear of coming off looking vulnerable so they constantly put up a front or it’s all about them and they whine incessantly about their problems without considering other people are going through the same thing or worse and they don’t want to hear about it–PERIOD. the former doesn’t bother me as much because i can overstand, nobody likes feeling vulnerable, but the latter really pisses me off. that’s just selfish to come off like that and pretend that nobody overstands what you’re going through and that you refuse to listen to what anyone else has to share about the subject.

    as far as my dream…………..ok so in the summer of 2008 i was studying egyptian hieroglyphics because i was coming up with a design for a t-shirt and also i was picking up on my self-discovery missions. i had this one glyph i wrote that said “behold! i thoth am the fire of enlightenment” which i have posted here:

    well later that night i had a dream (or vision if you will): before me stood thoth/tehuti in a bronze/golden hue with one hand raised up while the other gripped a staff and golden/bronze rays of light rotating behind him (which is exactly the image i was gonna use for my t-shirt). he was speaking to me and from what i gathered it had to do with immortality, one of the things he was known for. i remember thinking, “wow, this is amazing. this is something that everyone can benefit from, this knowledge”, then i thought “well some people probably shouldn’t know about this, it’s not for everyone. they’ll need to figure this out when they’re ready for it” and then i woke up. man that was really intense let alone scary. i NEVER had a dream like that before. maybe premonitions or deja vu dreams but nothing of that magnitude. i stopped fiddling with hieroglyphics for about a month up until school started again for fall/winter semester and i got over my fear. i definitely can’t be afraid of this gift i was given, i have to embrace it and follow it wherever it may lead me.

    and no apologies necessary, as long as you’re fine. we both have lives outside the internet right?;-)

  20. well not chocolate tho. lol more like mexican chocolate, or maybe sum dulce de leche. lol

    n man, who u tellin bout people??? u so point with that. i happen to be a therapist. so yeah i mos def see both everyday. lol

    i took a look @ ur artwork from the link. u r very talented. keep it up, thats an awesome skill u got there. i saw the heiroglyphic u were talkin about, so thas what it says huh? “behold, i thoth am the fire of enlightenment.” how exceptionally beautiful, powerful, n radiant. your dream sounds vivid and intense. how do u interpret it as have meaning in your life, now looking back?

    all i know now is that i feel inspired to again begin doin the knowledge on the Emerald Tablets. the 1st time i read them, my mind was so captivated and engrossed. it was as if all universal knowledge was being absorbed by my brain. on some Neo in the Matrix type thing. it overwhelmed me and made me feel extremely emotional and like an open channel to the universal stream. i felt that i needed to take time to read a portion each day and process it internally for myself, to always keep that knowledge and wisdom flowing. but i didnt because i felt vulnerable with it n had no1 to really process it with. but that is no excuse for sleeping on it. im going to start my process with that now finally.

  21. 4got 2 say, yeah dig that. n thank u.

    i try 2 keep myself 2gether, but there are times when i have moments tho. things fall apart…i somehow always pull through tho. no doubt.

    wanted u 2 check for this poem i wrote awhile back tho 2, since we got on topic of knowlege and wisdom. i was feelin inspired by both when i wrote it. u might like it.


  22. oh man i know. i was reading it everyday to try and get the meaning. i overstood part of it the 1st time i read it and everytime i kept reading it something else just started to make sense and reveal itself. since i had over a year to not read it i’ll have to start over and see if i get the deeper meaning of the sacred tablets. so you’re a therapist? how long have you been practicing? AND your blaxican too eh? should’ve known you’re a negrita, it’s so obvious. thank you for the compliment on my gallery, i definitely have to keep working on getting better as an artist and strive to, allow my work to evoke a certain emotion or tell a story. as far as the dream i think it just solidified what i’ve known and have been doing for a while, which is continuing on the path of being a shaman and trying to overstand whatever psychic powers i possess.

  23. now that was a beautiful poem. i read it before but i thought i commented on it. guess i forgot. it’s like you were everywhere ! 1nce in that one, just spreading your energy in thought form throughout the globe and universe. very precise and descriptive. reminds me of me when i write sometimes, just brainstorming and getting thoughts out. if i didn’t know any better that’s exactly what happened.

  24. yeah i just felt like finally there were all the answers presented right b4 me when i read the Tablets. it was powerful. the energy just kinda flowed through my whole body, mind, and spirit. n kinda made me cry or feel like crying.

    yeah im still in the process of getting licensed as an MFT right now. im super close, about to start studying for the exam. i been outta school since 2007. so i been in the field working since then. i really love the work itself, but this job i have right now is a true to life killer. its no joke…smh

    but yeah thats what i was sayin, lol nah im not black. well not racially anyway. i am mixed tho, mexican and italian actually. culturally tho, black folks have really been all ive known my entire life, and my own reference point for everything. people tend to just be confused as shit by my existence tho basically. lol it is what it is. they say im some sort of anomaly because there is no concrete way to categorize me. name any polarity that there is and i tend exhibit traits from both sides of it. its kinda crazy. but i also love and embrace it.

    i understand what u mean completely about following your journey path as a healer and guide, i feel the same exact way. n also with the psychic/universal/spiritual powers, absolutely. i have only really accepted them and given them validity in the past few years. n they have magnified and grown so greatly ever since i stopped denying their existence.

    okay i didnt know u read Mind’s Eye Shine b4. not many people have. and thank u, very much. i really felt like i was on sum astro-travel stuff as it poured out of me. guess that came thru. lol i happen to be very proud of that 1. wasnt self-conscious or hesitant with it, maybe because it had less to do with my emotions than my 3rd eye. i like my 3rd eye, its my strongest chakra, i do believe.

  25. i think the 3rd eye is the strongest chakra period 1nce it’s utilized properly. that’s what i’m doing more and more, figuring out how to unlock those mysteries and such, which is why i’m looking and digging deeper and deeper into the past to discover what that is. in a way i look towards my dreams and my subconscious for the answers, you know searching within. i still have a lot to learn a quite a ways to go and that’s fine with me, it doesn’t bother me in the least.

    oh so you’re mexitaliana princesa eh? lovely combination although i have to state that i never seen your breed with those negroid features. all the mexican/italian mixes i’ve seen look more italian–raven-colored hair, pale skin, very exotic-looking still. you look more darker which is both interesting and a turn-on. and trust me, you aren’t the only anomaly out there, at least you know your race and place in this universe and that’s rare. so many people are lost and i think part of that deals with the fact that they don’t know their origin or history as far as their ancestral homeland or family tree let alone nationalities. people like you and i irritate people because while they’re still figuring out who they are we already know and are following our path. it frustrates me to deal with people and situations like that. so what has been the reason for the hiatus for the test–money?

  26. dammit jus lost my whole comment!!!!! ugggggh!

    i’ll hafta try again later boot. 😦

  27. damn what happened? clicked the wrong button?

  28. nah i guess cause it was asking me to put my name n email n i didnt trip. i just submitted n it took me 2 an error page. smh

    when i went back, the comment was lost….hate when that happens!

  29. don’t you though? not cool at all fly girlie. you try to live a stress-free life and the BAM!!!!!:D

  30. yes exactly!

    n hey i was jus scrollin thru AHH cause i owed CrownRoyal a thank u comment,

    but damn that board is a disgrace. wtf is goin on over there?

    i cant engage that atrociousness. whats ur take on its demise?

  31. oh jeez………… i can’t call it pimpaholic. i’ve been going on during the weekends because i want to avoid the drama poppin’ off but over the past month or 2 it’s gone downhill. recently people have been posting under new multi-accts. (which is where that MAG phrase came from–multi-account gump) and this past sunday some broad came out of nowhere and just started blasting on me and this other dude on the thread about eyedea’s death. homie apologized and she still kept at it and yesterday or whenever she came back on to state i was harassing her and sending death threats and such which pissed me off. all i did was comment on her sorry-ass blog about feminism in music (which shows how lost she is, feminism is a movement started by middle-to-upper class white women that don’t include ethnic or poor women in the equation or consider their struggles and feelings) and now she’s playing the victim on some “oh woe is me” nonsense and i’m also hearing about people getting spam sent to their e-mail boxes. it’s gonna get to the point that NOBODY is gonna go on there anymore and the idiots who ruined everything are gonna talk to themselves with multi-accts. me and a few people already assume that the MAGs are employees of AHH and others are members. either way it’s immature and childish not to mention just plain ol’ sad. they must really hate us to pull this nonsense.

  32. oh wow! that sounds crazy. its a trip cause i remember when i used ta b on there n the drama issues that used ta b takin place was hella stupid at times, but a lotta times it was clashin over various issues that ppl real life feel emotionally invested in,

    ppls value systems, religious and/or cultural beliefs, racial issues, gender roles, etc.

    sometimes it was jus typical dumbass human interaction shit 2, like u say, childish shit. differences of opinions, (character) roles, hatin 4 no apparent reason (n then sum apparent 1s too), ppl gettin personal, ppl showin that they true 2 life psycho.

    either way it was interesting from a sociological and even psychological perspective. but i stayed in the mix with it 4 way 2 long, if i look back im like it start fallin off in like 08-09 2 me.

    dang right now i cant even remember when i was like, im coo….was it in 09? or maybe it was 10. cant b sure. i aint gon lie tho, sometimes i still miss it 4 the knowledge builds n the peace interactions n dialogues.

    even with all the negative stuff tho, what u talkin bout is some other shit. lmao! im like, “mags” huh? smh

    mad bloggers, crazy staff lol that shit sound like a circus! hahahahaaa i guess my comprehension cant absorb it anymore. lol cause i know thas what ppl used ta say 2 me when i was on there commentin n wud then tell them about it.

    ay tho that stuck out, what u said about feminism. idk the who the girl u referring 2 was or the blog. but its funny cause ppl always called me a feminist on AHH, like the spokeswoman lol

    but i always wud say, nah im not a feminist. for 1 thing, i feel that women who strongly claim feminism are often women who have been oppressed by men. for the most part, i was not and was not raised with an example of that set 4 me. so i never really understood what sexism and rigid gender roles n their implications were about realistically until i was a young adult.

    but the other point is exactly what u said. the feminist movement of the 1960s was a creation of white women living in suburbia who were feeling unfulfilled with their lives as stay at home mothers. it didnt take into account the experiences of women of color.

    women of color have always “worked,” there was no other option, as we can trace that back to slavery days n colonization. so in lookin back tho, we can even look at the 1st feminist movement of the late 1800s. again, it was a movement that was led by majority White upper class Christian women, who were not concerned with the plight of women of color at the time. they wanted equality with their White men.

    n of course there are popular figures who can be referred to, Fannie Lou Hamer, Soujourner Truth, etc. who supported the feminist movement. but their primary focus was around the abolitionist movement and rights for Black people.

    so yeah im not impressed by it. lol it sounds good n everything but feminism is much deeper than women pissed off, talkin shit. hahahaaa

  33. “queen of the titangraph”

    lmao 4ever

    my bad.

  34. no apologies necessary. and you basically hit it on the head there which is what i told this sad immature girl–that the woman’s suffrage movement began when rich white men (who ran and still run this country and the world) gave black men the right to vote. white women got pissed and wanted to start a riot let alone a movement and banded together with black women: susan b. anthony, ida b. well, sojourner truth, harriett beacher stowe and others. well that got the white man terrified and they got together and devised a diabolical scheme–to allow white women the right to vote but on 1 condition: exclude black women. well at that point susan b. anthony and co. were like “hey that’s fine with me–those black bitches are on their own!” and started fighting for the rights of white women to vote while few other white women like stowe, author of “uncle tom’s cabin”, still took the stance of ALL women getting that right or no go and prompted the infamous ida b. well’s speech “ain’t i a woman?” eventually the white women won the right to vote and black women had to wait like another 50 yrs. or so to get that right thus creating the divide within the woman’s suffrage movement and feminism. this also inspired prof. angela y. davis, former black panther and author of the book “woman race and class” which was where i got this info from when i 1st read it 15 yrs. ago, to create a answer to feminism called “womanism” which embraces WOMANHOOD and women of all races, nationalities, ages, sizes, colors, sexual orientations and social backgrounds. when i see bullshit like the lillith fair that’s exactly what i think of–feminist bullshit. i don’t even believe in it anymore since it’s gotten perverted and become what i call “practical feminism” which is nothing but female chauvinism. they make these dumb decisions like sleep with multiple partners and lie and cheat and say “well men have been doing it for so long and now it’s our turn!” excuse me, but 2 wrongs don’t make it right. you can tell that by viewing the lillith fair that it caters to and targets white women, you can see that by the line-up they have, and it’s not even ALL white women, it’s a certain type they try to get. a strong independent musician like ani difranco has never been considered or performed at the lillith fair from what i can remember let alone babes in toyland or bikini kill when they used to be around or any other band like that because of their musical content and stance and beliefs. instead they get dribble like sarah mclaughlin, fionna apple, gwen stefani, and that God awful melissa etheridge. i’ve never seen meshell ndegeocello, mary j. blige, floetry, les nubians, or any other woman like that perform there and it’s sad that philly had to come up with an alternative to the blatantly discriminating lillith fair with black lily to showcase artists that the lillith fair left out of the equation. i also can tell that some rich white men are behind this garbage, i can smell it. so that’s my opinion on feminism and you’re right, it is based on overprivileged white women who wasn’t content with playing the june cleaver role and wanted more but had everything that most women had. i’d be a fool to say that women aren’t discriminated against in this world let alone society but feminists for the most part are just doing and saying too much and milking all that attention for some sympathy. they know how to play the fuckin’ game. 1nce again if that book interests you it’s called “women, race and class” by angela y. davis. trust me it won’t disappoint.

  35. and yeah the drama used to be funny in the beginning when i 1st joined back in march of this year when guru died (i found out about it on the okayplayer site) but now it’s gotten boring and annoying as hell. muthafuckas beefing on the same shit for weeks ad nauseum not to mention this other nonsense. then you got the staff who couldn’t write a decent article to save their careers. so many typos and lies and mistakes…………..HELLA GHETTO.

  36. dang u said it all! thats impressive, i can say with confidence that i know very few men who can or have any interest in building on feminism and the historical implications. u reminded me of some good shit! im impressed.

    n how lovely to have such a thorough build right here in my own lil butterfly (not bat) cave. lol thanks for that sir.

    man, i know…i always wanted to take a class @ UCSC with Angela Davis. i might jus hafta check her book out. heard of it, but never have read it.

    n oh okay, u started up in 2010. i dig it. i came thru there summer 2007 on a fluke 2. there was a link to the site in something i was reading online. n the rest is history. literally.

    yeah its become like all these other wack ass sites, diluted with ignorance. thas really 2 bad.

  37. “butterfly cave”………..:D

    yeah i always try to stay abreast of certain subjects that interest me and i see nothing wrong with reading about feminism and that book right there was a eye-opener. makes alot more sense about the woman’s suffrage movement in amerikkka. let’s be honest–feminists have made a caricature of themselvee. when people think of that word they think of loud whiny women burning bras and hating on men and being closet lesbians and the sad part is it’s true for the most part. alot of them fall into those trappings. as far as angela davis still being a prof. at UC-Dsvis i have a sister that’s a teacher there and i believe she told me she’s not teaching anymore but i’m sure she’s still around in one way or another. i can ask my sister if you want, i’m not sure if she met her or not. and as far as bogus-ass sites it’s just not the hip-hop sites, it’s quite a number of them. the site i have my art gallery on has taken a sad turn for the worse within the past year. ever since the moderators made facebook a partner and then mySpace shit has gotten ridiculous: art theft is a regularity with a report practically on a weekly basis, assholes and perverts constantly harassing the female models that mainly pose nude treating it like a porn site either by asking for their msn name so they can chat or claiming to be “photographers” and “models” and trying to set up a “shoot” with them or bashing the chubby and mature models because they don’t like seeing naked fat chicks or elderly women, racist assholes popping up talking trash about people’s galleries, other people pretending to be erotic photographers and models taking the most absurd and offensive photos of each other or others with no artistic merit or value to the pics, just photos of naked people or someone taking a celly tel pic of their vagina wide open or their dicks. the site has gotten utterly ridiculous and i’m trying to learn how to design websites so i can make my own art site and music site (which is something else i noticed about the site–how are you gonna have a place for painters, sketchers, sculptors, tailors/costume designers, artisans/jewelers, writers, poets, photographers and models but NOT for musicians or dancers? they’re artists as well) for people who are sick of deviantArt and the moderators who don’t do shit on there. they’re worse than the members. you wouldn’t BELIEVE how many musicians, singers/songwriters and emcees there are on that site just aching to get people to see that other creative side to them. i just need to figure out how to use photoshop better and of course how to code shit and make applications and i’ll be just fine.

  38. hey Boot,

    yeah i dig what u sayin about feminism. hey! i went 2 UC Davis, whats your sister teach up there? n i thought Angela Davis was at UC Santa Cruz tho?

    thats crazy about deviantArt. it makes me want to go take a look around so i can see what u mean. but then a part of feels like i will be offended on a personal level n i really have no right 2 b offended, now do i? i b like that sumtimes tho. lol

    neway, i wanted 2 make sure i let u know that i appreciate ur builds over here in my butterfly cave. thas hella cool. i hope everything good with u as of late. keep doin ur thing!

  39. hey how’s everything?

    sorry for the late response, i was getting my laptop AND desktop repaired so no internet connection for a week. my sister just started as a aide last year so i think she’ll be teaching soon. as far as prof. davis it was UC-Davis that she taught at and is now retired but she’s still involved and active in one way or another. if you wanted to join dA then by all means do, you are a writer and a poet so you would fit right in but if you’re afraid someone’s gallery or comments are gonna piss you off then i overstand but trust me i’ll stick up for you if things got sticky and disrespectful, you know senor fly guy’s got your back like a bra strap.

    and of course i like coming to your butterfly cave just as long as i’m invited, why wouldn’t i? i enjoy our conversations and it seems like sometimes you need to unwind and speak to someone that overstands and helps you forget about your troubles, we all need that from time to time, someone we can relate to not someone who isn’t on our level because they’re too wrapped up in their lives and drama like it’s the only thing that matters and everybody else’s is insignificant. that’s one of my pet peeves, selfish people who think the world revolves around them and it’s all about them. they need a fat dose of reality to smack them upside the head to remind them it’s not always about them.

  40. no woories. hope ur well.

    okay gotcha about Angela Davis. n thats cool that ur sister is doing her thing up there. its an excellent academic institution, despite the crazy racial politic.

    u know, i wasnt plannin on joining anymore online communities. its really not my thing. AHH was a fluke n fb was forced upon me. lol im bout ready to quit that 2. but i plan to go stroll on thru DA n check out the art.

    its a trip, i feel so at peace here. having this lil place of my own to just let all my thoughts out. kinda like hiding. lol but i definitely appreciate your participation and welcome people’s input here. i enjoy that process.

    i know what u mean, people are struggling internally so much right now, its often manifest in many unattractive ways. apathy arrogance selfishness narcissism are at an all time high. i have no interest in dealing with none of that in my personal life, i deal with enuff of that professionally. n i mean, i know quite well that i have plenty of my own issues to work thru still myself. keepin my heart away from people like that is of the utmost importance. lol so thats my plan!

  41. keepin my heart away from people like that is of the utmost importance. lol so thats my plan!

    yeah–good luck with that one! trust me i’ve been there and it depends on your environment. if you’re around alot of people like that it’s gonna be pretty difficult to find a like-minded person that you can relate to that isn’t a coward. alot of people feel the same they’re just too fuckin’ scared to admit it from my experiences in speaking with folks. the fact that they get shocked when you say something that they’ve been thinking is evident but 1nce again they’re too damn scared to speak out about it. i guess george orwell wasn’t too far from the truth when he stated “ignorance is bliss”.

    well right now i’m working on something in apophysis 7x, a fractal program. i’ve been meaning to get back in the groove of things and make something happen with this program since i’ve gotten pretty rotten at it for about a year. i’ve known about it since fall/winter semester of 2008 when i was attending laney……but i found out about it through deviantArt which i joined in aug. or so. i was pretty good at it too, esp. since i knew nothing about the program, just tweaked with it at first then was directed to tutorials and followed instructions. i called myself “the forrest gump of apophysis” because i was such a greenhorn and was totally ignorant as to know how to use flames and scripts and batches, i didn’t even know how to install plugins! i had the worst luck with that. then all of a sudden when i reached my peak with apophysis it all went downhill. for some reason i lost my apo-mojo. NOTHING was coming out like i wanted. everything was a mess and it frustrated me along with still not having plugins installed (that didn’t happen until this past spring with some help from a friend in sweden). the only thing i was successful at was making nebula fractals which is so freakin’ easy and fun. now i just figured i need to stop bullshittin’ and get back on track, esp. since i’m designing something for a friend on dA, a russian model/photographer who has a friend that needs some artwork for their site and CD cover. i was gonna give her some fractal art and then work on some 3D stuff and see what they liked since her friend specialized in IDM (intelligent dance music) so what better artwork that conveys this sub-genre than fractal art? i also wrote a journal blog in my art gallery based on a FUCKED UP photo my twin posted of the both of us on my trip to pasadena in sept. i’ll post the link:

    and here’s the photo in question:

    i’m gonna write another blog about yesterday’s mid-term election which pissed me off. this is exactly why i don’t believe that voting works anymore, maybe it did 1nce upon a time but even then i think it never did nor was supposed to make a difference. i don’t wanna get too much into it, just read the link when i send it to you and let me know what you think.

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