“A Love That Will Not Be Invalidated”

“does she know,

what she did?

i walk around smellin her scent,

wantin her lips,

and everytime i lay down,

go to sleep, it is you

that i see

wish you’d come to me

cause you’re still on my brain, no.

i just cant,

i just cant.

i cant take no more, i wanna be lovin you.

been in love with you, since the day you came and you turned away.

you’ll never leave my brain. no.

i cant take no more, i wanna be lovin you.

been in love with you, since the day you came and you turned away.

you’ll never leave my brain.

never leave. no.

my distant lover.

my distant lover….”

it’s funny how we receive messages.

not even the point of what we do with them once we receive them.

just the simple fact of how we receive them.

for example, as i simply sat in my living room the other day.

a guest showed up to my door.

he has been much like an older brother or cousin to me for the last 15 + years.

he is the type of man that i have always respected and admired.

as a man. all around.

always, he served as a model of a good and loving husband, father.

responsible, devoted. straight-laced, upwardly mobile, professional Black man.

he has the ideal life from all considerations: a successful and lucrative career, an attractive wife, 2 beautiful, talented, and intelligent, healthy children.

by American standards, he was pursuing everything we are socialized to aspire towards.

i know that he and his wife had been going through some issues a few years back, although i never knew exactly what issues were at hand.

nevertheless they have continued in their 20 year marriage. and i personally never thought anymore about it.

but he came by the house. and as we were talking, the conversation moved towards male-female dynamics.

and he just stopped and said to me,

“well i might as well just tell u……”

and the most amazing, powerful, and beautiful story of love unfolded before me.

this is not a sensitive or emotional man, by any means. in anyway, that i have ever seen.

always extremely logical-minded and unwavering.

but he said to me,

“my entire life has been about making choices that were good and right,

but for other people, all the other people around me.

i have been in love with a woman for 26 years.

since i was 19 years old and i can’t continue to live the rest of my life without her.

she was an older woman and she was married, when i met her at the time.

we connected on such a deep level,

exactly how people describe a connection on every possible level.

emotional-spiritual-mental-physical.

she always told me that she knew from that moment that i was the man for her.

her beauty was always unparalleled.

n i would then, and still do today, just stare at her.

but in my mind, at the time, the circumstances just weren’t right.

and i honestly didnt understand or know what it was that i was experiencing.

so as a 19-year-old, young Black man,

i ran from it, from her.

i heard my mother’s voice, thought of my father’s example.

so i turned away from the idea that i could love her and live my life with her.”

this is very interesting, the mention of values, 

because i understood how strong values around the institution of marriage are for him,

just based on his upbringing.

he expressed to me how he set his life up to improve upon

his father as a person and his family life growing up.

a reaction to experience and ppl that symbolize a certain standard of life.

this is such a strong dictator in many people’s lives.

many, many times.

he continued to tell me that,

a year after he’d been involved with this woman.

he met the women who was to be his wife, 5 years later.

he recognizes now that because the circumstances were so much more ideal, he felt that it would be right and better.

however, apparently throughout this time, he has maintained a connection with this woman over the years,

who he describes as his soulmate.

he stared into my face, with so much conviction, passion, raw emotion,

and told me, that he has known this woman in another life. that he had known her like this. in another life.

she was his n he was hers.

of this he was certain.

n this sparked my mind to start building on the time and space concept.

because he was describing time, in Earthly terms, as 26 years….

in terms of space, both of love and separation.

togetherness and division.

and when he described time on a Universal plane,

it is in regards to a love that has transcended Earthly concepts of time, altogether.

as well, transcended Earthly concepts of space, altogether,

in the fact that their souls have been intertwined beyond this lifetime and lifespace.

i heard him say, that when she touches his face its as if he is touching himself. there is no difference in sensation.

he is at a point in life where he said he finally began to listen to his heart over his logic, after 26 years.

he could not deny it to himself anymore.

he said, put it like this, you only have one life to live, just one.

he is looking at his future, the remainder of his life, and knows that he will not experience true love and happiness, if he stays in the life he has created for himself with the woman he calls his wife. which actually holds far less meaning to him than the title of “my woman,” he applies to his soulmate.

he told me explicitly that has never felt a sense of possession over anyone, ever in his life, other than his woman. she was his.

despite, well, despite every single thing.

so he is now at a crossroads, and has basically decided for himself already,

that he must take his woman and live the remainder of his days with her.

so he is willing to take the ultimate risk in life, that he could ever possibly make.

right now.

he told me that he felt like they lost so much time, in which they could have been happy and truly in love.

that she doesn’t deserve to not have the man that she loves, the man that belongs to her. not for another day.

and that he believes that he can make up for that lost time now with the remaining time they have together.

that he absolutely cannot take another day.

without her.

so despite everything that would logically tell him differently.

he will not.

he finally chooses emotion over logic after a 26 year refusal.

i often joke around about loves that “will not be invalidated.”

the truth is they are exceptionally rare,

hardly ever as obvious, externally looking in, as this. 

for they tend to exist only in one’s personal experience.

however, this is one of the purest examples of one that has ever been presented to me.

i was honored that he felt trust enough to express it to me.

and this story resonated so deeply with me personally, as well.

in ways i can never convey in words to anyone myself.

yet i know this message reached me for a purpose.

and it definitely inspired me to write.

maybe that was purpose enuff, in and of itself.

so i will acknowledge it as such.

and i will end with a quote for those who are blessed with love

and those with loves yet to come:

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” -Khalil Gibran

love n light

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~ by butrfly on December 30, 2009.

2 Responses to ““A Love That Will Not Be Invalidated””

  1. NICE..}:{..

  2. peace Tybo.

    thnx 4 readin.

    glad u enjoyed it.

    i found the situation quite amazing really, myself.

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