Let It Go

Last night, I shed tears
Filled with distress,
Loathing for my own damn self,
And an unbearable fear.
A fear that I am evil, wicked
Undeserving of so much love.
Masquerading as one who’s
Worthy of these people, obviously
Sent from up above.
My stomach was ALL
Knotted up. My mind swirled
Out of control, I was desperate and
Began to call-
Out into the darkness,
For the Mos High to
“Please
Come Rescue Me!”
From myself.
I need the comfort
Of a being divine.
The only way to free my
Imprisoned and tormented mind.

Then this morning, my son
Woke up sangin’
“Bag Lady,
You gon’ miss yo bus.”
And my heart stood still,
For just one second and
Then started banging,
Against my sternum causing a
Warm rush to wash over
My entire self.
One of those moments
When you feel that you’ve had
A supernatural realization,
Far too difficult to put into words
So you just store it away

Somewhere on a shelf.

He said to me,
“Man, divorce that shit, baby
You a grown ass woman.”
I know the words he speaks are truth.
And I massaged his hands,
As he fell asleep.
I shed even more tears at that moment.
I looked into my baby’s eyes
Which are actually seven years older than that
If you’re counting years of life.
But are, in fact, much older if you’re
Focusing on the old spirit soul
That there resides.
I asked him if he wanted to hear it, as
He climbed atop the counter stool.
“Um hum,” he said and
We sang together
The way we always do.

Blessed to be a member
Of this triad. A joy swelled into my heart.
At that second I understood:
Today.
Tomorrow.
And the next day

Are all opportunities for a
Brand new start.
I am master over my being, and
Deliver myself into the light.
No evil lies within my soul.
I’ve come such a long way,
But still I have so very far to go.
I’m growing daily, and
Have found two guardian angels
Along my chosen path.
One is my rescuer and protector,
The other provides inspiration
And the ability to laugh.
So I laugh and sang,
When I lose my way because
Inside myself, I truly know
To ever really get back on track,
One must
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.

01/10/03

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~ by butrfly on December 21, 2009.

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