Mine Again

Today I braided a dead man’s hair.
Held his ashes in my fingertips,
And I tripped,
It really was just
Like they say, “Ashes to ashes
And dust to dust.”
The only tangible pieces of ownership
I have over him.
But he’s mine regardless.
Plus the stills that capture him
Frozen in moments long since past.
Instances I wasn’t even a part of,
Yet still I want back.
Retracing the steps of a lonely path.
Finding my beauty in his.
The sculptured high edges of cheekbones.
Swimming in depths of irises.

The sometimes wild, untamed
Locks of a long thick mane.
Even the connected earlobe versus the separated one.
Because he is mine, independent of
Space and time.
Me, my previously non-existent, other half.
Exemplifying all that I’ve desired on my endless,
Misguided search.
And in between my tears,
I can’t help but to laugh.
In the face of a 13-year-old boy,
I see who was meant to be my very best friend.
Then I see the face of a man,
Who truly holds the key to my heart,
The truest, most unconditional love.
He is, was.
And has, had both all along,
I just never realized it until “the end.”

On my search, I found players for the roles.
Those to genuinely love me,
See me, hear me.
Those to be my very best friend,
Even some who’ve revealed themselves as my foes,
Brought along with them,
A fair share of their woes.
And yet I proceed on my search mission,
Never quite content
Cause I was in pursuit of him,
All of what was truly missin.
I guess no one else was ever meant to win.

Now I know he’s mine,
He belongs to me, ultimate belief
Because I discovered this on a plane divine.
So I’m free, in need of nothing else.
My heart aches are healed
And I’m finally fulfilled.
So today I braided his hair.
Held his ashes in my fingertips.
Found him.
And brought him into my heart where
I want him to live.
I took care over him and showed him my heart.
There we met,
At what appears to be “the end”
But in reality is just the start.



~ by butrfly on December 12, 2009.

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