Not Her

I’ll never be that girl
Who holds the keys to your heart.
Never will I be the one
You reach out for in the
Dark
-est hours,
Middle of the night.
Can’t share your journey
Committed, walking along beside.
Never will I have the chance to dwell
In the place your soul resides.
Don’t possess the light
To shine through your dark,
Overflowing clouds.
Not the comfort and trust
Needed to alleviate your deepest fears
And doubts.
Will never perceive your reality
And join you thereabouts.

All a part of the rules:
To understand, to unify,
I’m simply not allowed.

Because you so choose.

Just like a rose encapsulated in a glass
Case,
Kept as a beautiful nikk nakk,
A priceless afterthought.
Only there to be admired from a
Distance,
To breathe in its sweet fragrance.
Whenever there’s a reminiscent lesson to
Be taught.
Hoping that forever it will flourish,
Despite its neglect.
And in spite of so many attempts,
This battle can no longer be fought.
Its head droops in submission,
Petals wilt and wither away,
Leaving just the aroma of potpourri,
Now and again, some days.

I’ll never be that girl
Who settles for less than she deserves.
Never one to suppress
The power of my own words.
Wanting to be so much yet unable to
Sacrifice,
While not receiving what I need in
Return.
Always told myself never to covet
Anything that I can’t claim.
Can’t love yet be unloved,
Beloved.
My pride is too great
And the burden of such a shame
Transcends the depths of even my pain.

I’m the woman who would love you
Endlessly,
Deeply as you ever wished.
I’m her,
Who possesses all that is needed to make
You whole and complete.
But instead you resist.
Then all at once,
I realize I’m losing a never ending battle,
As if my name were Sisyphus.
Yet able to recognize and accept defeat,
It hit me:
Love is not something meant to be won.
So instead I forfeit and congratulate you,
The winner,
With a very last kiss.
I turn and walk away without looking
Back,
Knowing that you’ll understand
Only once it’s beyond too late.
I’m the girl helplessly resigned to that
Rather unfortunate fact.
Not even the strongest push or force
Can change things to how I wish
They could be.
You’ll be blind up until the very moment
That miraculously you can see.
And even though this time I lose,
I walk with my head uplifted.

Only because I so choose.

6/28/09

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~ by butrfly on December 11, 2009.

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